Jacqueline in a junior chef she shares her experience as a young mum and raising a black man as a single woman.
I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant. I remember I was in the Tesco toilets near college and my boyfriend was outside waiting when I saw two lines that indicated PREGNANT. I remember freezing and not because I was scared, I froze because I thought “God am I really worthy enough to be someone’s mum?”
I must have been there for longer than it felt, I only realised when I saw three missed calls from my boyfriend. Then I began to think: “how will I tell my Dad?” “What will my Mum say?” “How will the world treat me?” I have become just another statistic. So many girls get disowned by their families for becoming pregnant, in the Zimbabwean culture it is seen as the ultimate disrespect to fall pregnant under your parents roof.
I remember I found out I was pregnant on a Wednesday and by lunch time I had told my bestfriend and I remember her crying and telling me I am going to get sent back to Zimbabwe when my parents find out, and as humorous as it may sound that’s the harsh reality for some girls within our community. I remember admitting to her in tears I was happy I was going to be someone’s mum, I was going to teach someone to love, I was going to help someone grow and nurture them. I never thought of abortion, in this day and age there are girls that choose that path and I do not judge any of those girls. I just knew that that was not the path that was right for me.
According to Shona culture I had to tell a relative from my Dad’s side, when I found out I was pregnant it was late October right around the time of my Dad’s birthday. We had a family dinner and I called my aunty upstairs with my cousin (her daughter). I said to her “are you enjoying the dinner?” and my cousin laughed and blurted out “mwana wenyu ane numbu” [your child is pregnant]. My aunty was not amused she replied “girls that’s not funny” of which her daughter replied “who’s joking?” Although she was shocked and probably this wasn’t the best news she would have wanted to hear, she reassured me and told me everything was going to be okay and she would tell my parents. It felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt lighter.
When I found out I was pregnant I was already 12 weeks pregnant so you can imagine time was no longer on my side. The next week my two aunties and my uncle went to my parent’s house and told them I would be staying at my auntie’s house. When my aunt came she told me she had never seen her brother cry but that day he wept. He told her “they will be so mean to her, how do I protect her from this they may not accept her.” For the first time since I had found out, I felt numb. Numb because I had disappointed him but he was more concerned about how he could continue to be a parent to me, the very child who had disappointed him.
As I write this tears run down my face because that’s the key of being a parent. It is loving your child until your dying day and facing the challenges of the world, questioning if you have done enough for a child to survive school, college, university, marriage, friendships. I hope I have taught my son enough for him not be influenced by the outside world. I hope I taught my child enough for him to make his own choices.
The next time I saw my parents my mum burst into tears and she said "lucky you found out fast because I was planning on buying you a pregnancy tests I know you like the back of my hand something was not right with you Raviroyashe. I love you that will never stop but I'm hurt, I'm confused. Did I fail you? Did I not educate you on relationships?” Now I'm a mother I understand those questions but at that time those words stuck to me because I thought how can she possibly question herself I did her wrong she was perfect to me. She was love, her heart was home to me.
Fast forwarding I'm now 22 and last week my son started school and I was so emotional because I have been a single mum since he was two. His Father helps with him, sees him and through time and patience we co-parent very well. His first day was emotional for me because it’s been just me and him for so long. When he left to go to his classroom tears came running down because my emotions took me to memory lane. I remembered I had gone through so much trying to be a perfect mum trying to be emotionally stable so I could teach him how to be emotionally stable and he was my testimony that with God I could do anything I had raised him by myself with help from my beautiful parents who love my child so much to a point that when they call they sometimes forget to ask about me because they know if my son is okay I'm okay.
I pray regularly that I'm doing a good enough job raising a young black man. I see young black men in the news and social media all the time turning on each other, killing each other I see the media not fail to say these two phrases "raised by his mother only " and " his British born both parents are said to be African" as if those are the excuses for bad behaviour as if those are excuses for not fearing to harm another human.
I am a young woman trying to find herself in the world, I'm a young mum who beat statistics in more ways than one I'm a qualified junior chef, my child is a well behaved and well-spoken young black boy who hit his milestones early and the fact that I'm here today saying I would do it all again the labour the pain I went through after the challenges I still face all day in day out shows with support you can do it my. I lost friends and family but I gained so much more to the friends that stuck around that treat my son like he is theirs I appreciate you and love you.
Thankyou to the founders of Big Sister Initiative
By Jacqueline Ruzivo
Aww Love This Rav xxx
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