Rutendo: I remember hearing rumours that I was dating my aunt's husband

Rutendo is a student from Kingston she shares her story about how she experienced bullying from her own family and the devastating impact on her self-esteem. 

I hope my story will inspire and help another person overcome the same barriers that I have had to overcome.

I grew up around relatives who didn’t say the nicest things. Its only now looking back, I realised I am a very strong woman, God made me strong. It is difficult to put it into words so that another person reading this can understand. Ndakakura ndiri mwana aitaurwa [growing up I was a child that was talked about], and the things said were so heart breaking. I couldn't believe that such things came from my own relatives. People saw that I was quiet so they trampled on me not knowing they are damaging the self-esteem of a young girl.

When I was 16, I remember hearing rumours that I was dating my aunt's husband, I remember this day because I came home from school. I only came back because I had forgotten my netball kit, I saw my mother was very emotional and agitated and my two brothers came over to me to tell me that one of my aunts came and she was shouting. I went back to proceed with my netball tournament but I was so low, honestly guys ndakachema [I cried]. I was so deeply and truly hurt because only me and my God knew the truth. Being the person I was I never argued with it, I accepted what was said and moved on.

I also remembered last year, the very first time I went to the club. I thank God I told my father the truth I went, and to be honest clubbing is not my kind of scene. Everyone was drunk and I think I was the only sober one, I hardly danced because I didn’t feel comfortable. I walked into the club with a very long dress but after seeing other girls wearing short skirts I felt uncomfortable so I went back to my friend’s house and changed. Guys, few days back the pictures I took in the club were on the phones of people who were not there.

I had relatives in Zimbabwe tell me that ‘ takanzwa hauchabvi mumabawa’ [I heard you don’t leave the club now] and they even had the pictures, I honestly was heartbroken because I didn’t even do anything in the club, the next thing I hear is I’m always clubbing. The perception they had received is I’m now a “hoe”, being from a Zimbabwean community there’s still that perception that only “hoe’s” go clubbing.

I am 21 years old now but I’m telling you that half of the people around me all assumed that at 16 I shall be pregnant. I have had people call me nasty names like ‘tirimahure, hatinzwi’ [you’re a whore, you don’t listen], but honestly ask the person saying that to show evidence they would not even know where to start. Like any girl did, I have had guy friends and boyfriends BUT I knew exactly when to not cross the boundaries. I have so much respect for my parents that is why today I am still here, educating myself, allowing God to lead my life.  

The thing that hurt me the most is all these things come from within, you never heard it from outsiders. I am a bubbly girl with a lively personality but all these things affected me to the point where I deflated. I just didn’t understand why me, I didn’t get why god allowed such things. It affected me to the point where I found comfort in food and eventually I gained weight. I lost my confidence and my faith in God went downhill because ndakarwadziwa nemazwi anotaurwa nevanhu [I was hurt by the words people said]

Just recently, I prayed to God, I fasted, I didn’t want what people said about me to affect me. I found love in the bible, I found peace, I let it all go. I am successfully on a weight loss journey, I know I’m beautiful, God loves me and I have the best parents. I now understand that God wants me to be a testimony in my life so I had to go through what I did. So if your reading this DO NOT be the person who spreads rumours about an innocent person don’t promote such horrible behaviour. Don’t judge a person or take advantage of someone because they are quiet. If you are the victim, LIVE your life, don’t let it affect you, people will talk even if you’re doing good, take those horrible comments and make them your stepping stones.

Lastly, all this made me see kukosha kwa baba na Mai vangu [the importance of my parents], when all these things were said my father told me don’t listen to what people say, live your life. Ndikatadza [if I couldn’t] I would tell my parents and they gave me great advice. So you guys are my ROCK because you put me first knowing who I really was. And thank YOU God for helping me find the confident young women who I am today. Wherever you are, your trials will ONE day be a testimony, so DON’T let what people say affect you no matter how disheartening. I aspire to be a doctor and a doctor I shall be. With God nothings impossible

By Rutendo Zingwe