Fai: I was a dark and ugly girl

Faith is a fashion blogger and stylist, she shares her experiences about the bullying she endured as a dark skin girl.

I was 12 years old when I realised that I was dark skinned and that society considered this as ugly and inferior. It was civvies day at my primary school; I had on a pair of black shorts and a black tank top. I was walking towards class and a group of older girls walked past me and one of them shouted “she’s black like coal and she’s wearing black clothes, is she serious.”  All her friends immediately burst out laughing. My heart literally sank, these words put such a hole in my chest and it was in that moment that my self esteem was severely damaged and my self perception clouded. Little did I know that over the next few years insults like these would become an almost daily occurance and that my self esteem and self worth would continue to drop. The first few years of high school were  the worst, I dealt with constant bullying, constantly being told I was ugly and that I was basically worthless. It seemed my dark skin put me in a box of unattractiveness by default.  Each day I went to school I descended deeper into my bottomless hole of self hate.  I would never really cry in front of people nor did I ever try to defend myself or talk to anyone at school about how much these words hurt me.


As far as I was concerned all this was true – I was a dark and ugly girl.  I would wait until I got home and literally cry myself to sleep, I would wash my face with a stone hoping that what I believed was dirt would come off – but it never did,  I was so obsessed with the idea that if I were just a little bit lighter I would pass as a pretty girl and just fit in.  I hated God so much for making me dark skinned and constantly questioned why He placed this burden on me. I hated myself, I hated my life.
Even as I grew older and the insults died down I still struggled a lot with confidence and self esteem issues.  I was still self-conscious; I avoided wearing certain colours because people would always tell me that they looked too dull or too bright against my skin tone. There was a time I only ever wore white because in my head this made me look ‘clean’.  I shyed away from pictures with people because I felt embarrassed at how dark I looked against everyone else.  Although I no longer felt personally victimised, society still viewed dark skinned women as inferior. But I finally reached a point where I stopped feeling sorry for myself – stopped playing the victim and I learnt to just love and accept the skin I was born with.

Despite my growth in terms of regaining my self confidence, to say that I am fully confident and that all my insecurities have disappeared would be a lie. I still do struggle from time to time and there are still times where people on social media will make negative comments regarding my dark skin but I try to not let it bother me. I’ve learnt to love my skin tone and  to bask in all its glory, to appreciate its lessons on self-worth and acceptance. It has shaped me into who I am and I am forever grateful for all it has taught me. I love how my chocolate skin glistens when I walk into a room, I love how it rich it is, how it glows. I am proud to be a beautiful dark skinned woman, melanin fleekingJ
In a world where we are continuously bombarded with images and messages of light skin being better, it comes as no surprise that a lot of my dark skinned sisters have chosen to lighten their skin in order to just fit in and to be what society views as beautiful.  It pains me to see so many ladies resorting to bleaching but having gone through what I went through a part of me does empathise with these women, it really hurts to be made fun of because of something you really had no control over. But bleaching is not the solution, the chemicals may lighten your skin but your soul will still bleed. Dear dark skinned sisters you are beautiful and unique – challenge yourself to stay within that realm on thinking.  Being light skinned is not in you, it’s not who God wanted you to be. Love the skin you’re in. Yes, you are going to come across people who will discredit your beauty because of your complexion but DON’T let that break you! Sadly the prejudice against darker skinned women and society’s warped view that “light skin is the right skin” may never completely end it is up to you to accept your beautiful dark skin, embrace your beautiful dark skin and be proud of your beautiful dark skin.

Black is beautiful

by Faith Lwanda
Her blog - thatfaidaij.blogspot.com